Cortex Breaks Evil: The Saga
by diesir
Summary: With the help of a mysterious Mister White, Doctor Cortex finally finds the crystals...I make this for the anniversary of Crash Bandicoot by Naughty Dog for the original Sony PlayStation. Happy 18'th birthday Crash, you can now drink in x states! Be careful since Breaking Bad crossover means adult citations and drug reference, but I'm trying to tone it down as Crash is my chilehood
1. We Have a New Enema

Today in the long metallic walls of a certain scientist's mad laboratory home is the sound of clanging and thumping in enragged violence. It was Dr. Neo Cortex, and he had just suffering the third (and FINAL!) defeat by the accursed rad bandicoot in the pants and his nerdy bookworm sister. His underlings cover their ears from the loud sounds of noisy fastration.

"Graugh, groggity, GR!" Cortex slammed and flought his cerebrile cortex around the room. "This alway happen! Crash and the Bandits foil my ideas all the time to get the crrrryyyyystaaaaahls, and he yuks it up and laughs it smack right in the FACE!" Frankly Doctor Cortex has had enough as he got up in discharge. "It is time to come up with a better thought, and he had to thought it up quick!"

"Perhaps sir we can try to replicate the full power of the...MASTER,crystal" said Dr. Engine, who was slightly mad as well for having a missel suck in his head but not neerly as peeved as Cortex was being at this moment since as the headhoncho whose head was swelling he was quite a hopping mad subject around the roomba

"You speak nunsense, it cannot be done?" said Cortex who had practicality turned red from extremely self-harm except instead of blood and gore it was like a cartoony stream coming out of his ears because after all it was a cartoony world after all.

"Perhaps I can be off assisistence" said ?

Cortex turned around and on the hi-technical space-monitor met a bald man in glasses, who king of look like a Robotnik except without big moustach and was very skinny instead of large and in charge, yet somehow it was a very imposing figure.

"I have herd of you, you are...! Walter White."

"That is right, I facked my death and now seek revenge against the social order, but to do that I kneed help;"

"Why my help? says Cortex

"You have the MASTERcrystal which I can use to cook up more than 25 SLAVEcrystals, from the furnace! Except I don't call them crystals, and yet they still the power to make people into slavery"

"What do you call them?" asked Cortex with very rised eyebow and strocking his chin. There a dramatic pause.

"Meath." said White bruntly.

...[don-don-don-]...

Cortex later followed the cooridants precisely to the letter to met with Water alone. It was the remote area on the borders of the jungle and desserts of both their worlds. He was a little appredensive just a bit, he knew not this 'math' was, after all he was a scientist and not a ganger like Walter Whitman.

"Great mind think a like, Neo." said...a voice!

Cortex spun ran to find the famous Walter White right in the flash.

"Zounds, we meet at last. I have heard much of you and traveiled a great long way to meet your proposituation so waste not time and let's state your conditions!"

"Indeed, at a sign of buona fortuna en dios I have yes bought your favorite fruitcake which I stole from your face book and also a sample of what I have to offer."

Cortex say the crystals but they vere very diffrent crystals than the ones he's seen, for one they are blue instead of red and they were much smaller almost like suagery candy rather than magickal jewelry.

"I do not follow" said Cortex screetching his brain.

"This is the meath I have described,"

"I still do not know how you did it on my screen"

"That is not impotent since all will be reveiled... in time." said Watler White ominously as he got down to business like a true salaryman in heat. "What I have her is the absolote finest product nown to man and mutans, it is not 100% pure because my ingreddients are inadequent but with your genius I can truely fix those .007 percentiles we need to victory the world."

"What is in is it for me?"

"Cortex, all I need is to analyse the MasterCRYSTAL take it to MY lab, and run a few tests to sample it and cross refrence it to my encyclopeddia of knowlidge, to do that I nerd you to sell the unpure meath for me to fund myresearch and together then I will replicate the slaveCrystals, trust me it is rather the boring part of science so I faxed the informatino to your secret base the space station. In return when you rule the world I only ask I take the Evolvo-Ray to work for my cancer since as you know the goverment banned it like a stemcalls but when you rule the world it will not be a problem at all because you will be the man"

Cortex thinks is over very carefully, Walter wanted to make him a partner, but he already have the parnter called Uka-Uka, who was quite scary and also liked the crystals a lot for world dominatrix, but this was a such unique opportunity that he washed his concerns away. What could go wroung?

"Allright, Dr. White, I do agree to your terms of use, as long as I will rule the world."

"Deal! You will not regret this Neo, and please call just me Walter."

They shook on it in the evil mad scientists handshake.


	2. Crashed crashes

In the sane island, Crash Bandicoot and his family were having an all-Australimerican picknick, Crash was roasching weenies Cocoa was doing her laptup and their pets were chasing each oher in playful splendor, also Tawni was missing again but thats okay for now (it'll important later), and Aka-Aka was celebrate the defeat of Uka-Uka with them.

"Hey children, it is good that we have defeat the mighty Uku-Uku botherings, it is uncertain what will happen to them in the end but I do not think Cortex will see us for a loooong tiiiime." he speached.

Just then Pinstrip Potteroo that loser decided to came inside, and they all get up in alarm (except Cocoa who was on MySpace or LiveJournel or something like girls her age like) and Uka who has no leg to stand on).

M'yeah! I've got da goods! Courtesy from the don o' doctors! M'yeah." Pinstripe Pothead went pff out, to reconsidery his life choices and wonder if he should become a moorman to makup for his converations.

"Just what was that all about" they collectively wonder as he disappear onto the sun's set. They look down and it was an sight of awe. It was...the crystals! Except it didn't look like the crystals they knew, rather it was quite a bit differently.

"Children, I have heard of this, these are drug. Don't use them"

Crash howeverb thaught back and recalled to his begginnings as a hero and wanted to be the best winner and to do so he knows he had to collect the crystal, so he did so to the creystals he just saw.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Uka-Uka's voice fadded to oblivion, the last thing Crash thought before the insane darkness calmed him was "I don't think I'm on layStation anymore, Totodile..."

Cocoa looked up for a slip second from her nerdwork when she shought she hear Dingodille. All see see was that of the ordinery was a nice fresh pizza marked flat on the roof. She wondered what that meant and for a leased a little whilet and blastted ACDC's 'Cot with your pants down' up her freakish'ears


	3. Cortex and the Crystals

[Note it has come to my attentions that I have Uka Uka and Aku Aku's name mixed up last chapter, this not my intentions and I swear it will not ever happen again.]

On the secret base of Dr. Cortex...

"Bandicoot Baited, Heir Docteur." the dead was done

"Excellant, if the rodent finds these crystals to be just as tauntilizing as we expect then we will movie the test to the rest of the real world populace of silly stupid-idiots." underestimated the Cortex who eternally understated the world.

Pottoroo looked down at the crystals, hmm! It may be unpure product but he found these more seductive then the usuel crystals from the videogame. If he could love get his greassy hand on them, my how things would be..! he thinks has he lipped his lips in manny grassy fat desires.

...Meanhile back to adventure back on the island where the herons live, it was a dark time indead and the badnicots did not know what to do about the crash addict known as Crash Bandicoot, who was lost instainty to the new power of the raw crystals.

Crash Bandicoot later WOKE up, he had done thing where his world was perhaps upside-down forever and his sister was newhere to be found, instead it was his lover who had nice big bags of boobs for his head(as opposed to Cortex who will never get any in his live)

"Oh my, CRASH! she hug his head in her rubbery madamely chest like a ditzy "We were so ankhcious, you were spinning like crazy and destoryed the house but know something was wrong! Oh Crasho my Crash, what is wrong?"

Muff muffin Mrph muarphy! muffled Crash.

"Oh" said Tawna as she released Crash from her tight female frip and he had a dumb expression like so was giving him some or something but now is not the time for that sadoak.

"Hmm" sad Aku-Aku "Hmmmm...Cheesy, crispy, yet a gooey and delectable an gigantocrust Pepperonni... I know this calling card anywear!"

"Who could it be?" they wonder with rising intensity.

"It was...!"

...

"You did WHAAHT!" yelled Uka Uka head of the evil Uka Uka clan quiet seriously in dark echoes the room

"D'ohohohohohohHO! I tod you , I gave Waler White the MasterCrystal after he gave me the umpure crystal he called "meath" which I tested on Crash to confirm his reliabilty"

"You LITTLE YELLOW IDIOT-MAN! Without the MsterCrystal we cannott find the SlaveCrystals, now how will we ensalve humanty!"

"Great! Uka Uka, but my the experiment was an actually success! Waltard is not laying."

"And did you not consider he was in league with Crash?"

"I don't think the goodguys are that smart."

"Yeah good point." Uka Uka admited.

"Enough!" said Walter White who appeared on the computer moniter. "I have determined what I was missing to make the perfect..'crystals'. The results:" he said as put on his reading glass "Water: 35 Liters, carbon: 20 kilograms, ammonia: 4 Liters, lime: 1.5 kilograms, phosphorus: 800 grams, salt: 250 grams, saltpeter: 100 grams, and various other trace elements...

They have done it, Walter White was reading the list of the missing ingredients he needed to cook the perfect crystals. Now they can have up to more than twentyfive slave crystals, at your service! Uka Uka's nouth hung as Cortex yanked out his mighty champaine from his front pocket. "YATTA, Told ya so" he sneered.

"Yessir doctor my doctor!" said Tiny Tigger ho had tiny brain. "heheh, it a good thing Mr. Cortex test crystal on Crahs"

"Wait," said Walter White "What is this insolence?"

"What!" said Cortex "You never say I couldnt do what I want with the crystels."

There was a pause of silence, posslbe anger but it was herd to tell with Walter's stoic faze.

"That is true, but I did not expect you to involve your nemesis in the meath- 'crystalis' opertation. I expect you to try them youself"

"I did and they dont work with my machines and technilogies at all!"

"No," explained Walter White at finally. "You must consume them, Neo."

Everone in the room look at each other, then at their pile of the crystals they did not give crash, and them back, and back and forth like a worrisome time. They had enough crystals (meath) for everybody. They just kneeded the 1st step...

"You WILL bow down and call me Hizenburg," Walter thought as he slowly smiled at the unfolding seen...

...Little did he know one shady (1) person of true righteousness saw the dirty crocked event unfold in such disgust.

"Looks like we need... Bitch!"


	4. (This is) The End

It was messy badguys and goodguys a like needed help some how.

It was all the fault of mathemagician druglord name Hizenberg. He make more crystals all the time and people couldn not have ever enough of it. They were touched by Hizenberg and never left their lifes the sam way again. It was a truly desperate times in the world of Crash Bandicoot, it seems everone ...broke bad, even the good ones except the ackoholic M. Brio who just because he already had a vice.

Dr. N. Trophy was paranoid about time. Dingodille was try to extingishing his taile with his flame throw. Dr. Engines blows up with noclear warhed. Tiny Tigger was hedonistic sexy orgies with roman lions. Dr. Kangaroo lost his energy and stared at the floor in shook and awe and was deepressed and suicunal from dosage. Pinstrip Pottoroo possibly had a possible fetal heart attack and will no longer be appearing in this story. Pappupappa lost 400 lbs was speeking flaunt english like a proper gentelman and drank tea and trumpets. Uka Uka believed he was a real huamn boy with arm and legs rather then a magical wooden mask with neigher. And Dr. Cortex.

Or, poor Neo Dr. Cortex. He imaginned wild, insane and interestingly fascinating things like the Crash Bandicoot series existing after Naughty Dog retired it wonderfully gracefully to the finest. He imaginned an alternat-unverse in witch Naught Dog sold it to crap companies to make games no one actually carres about, he grew feet tall with blue hair and metal N", and everyone had shifty redesigns like Tiger being Tony the Tigger as a GrAY commando ad Uka Uka was a wired sleek boney space-bug thing. Worst of all he had an bandicoot son name Crunch who looked like he took sterrods and sound like Mr. T.

"Hey hoy hey" spoked the hallucinated with Mr. T's gruff accent, "You know that I need it...vitch!" he said as he rubbed his illusionary crouch areas to doctor

"AHHHHHHHHH" he wrocked back and forth in fetal positon. He may have acticated the space stations self-descruct sequence in total terror... Many ominious rumblings were had, so I think he did it... Uh-oh.

(Shh... It's over now, Cortex in the end it was all a bad feverdream that is a fault of the evil so-call crystals you took from a Mr. White whose breaking bad already... But, 4th seconds to the last it is too late...

GAME OVER


	5. The Addiction Continues

Welcome back to another instailment of Cortex Breaks Evil! The saga.

I decide there's so much stories potential in where this can go next so I will not have the story end here, in was a bit of a downer anyway so I hope we can reach a more thirilling conclusion worthy of Crash Bandicoot the 18th anniversary so hope you enjoy!

ONE YEAR LATER

Dr. N, Brio got off his stool and took it upon himself to leave the bar after all and give Dr. N Cortex and his cronies the proper treatment for his addictions. Though it was stressfle and where was much withdrawal and anxieties with sadness and tear, eventually they shivered it off the habbit and can return to normal productive society as bad guys.

"Remember, Cortex. WE can't get addicted to the crystals, every one ELSE does." rehabbed minions say.

"I know dont reminde me, an for Brio thank you for coming to my recsue, I know we had a fallout since we broke ups but this time I men it."

& then they made-out, JUST KIDDING! I will not turn, says author me

"Th-th-th-tank you Nuh-n-n-Neo, you tt-t-too can learn from me and t-take the high row-road, and alsooo I ha-have a fir-farst nam i-t's-

"Yeah cool watever, also I'm going to like have revenge on Walter White for making me this way by showing that I'm by far way more nefarious that he is, r u n?"

"Well that j-j-just undermuh-mines the entttire p-p-point of turning a nuh=n=no=new leaf, m-m-mister!" =(

...

Since Cortex no larger out of commission for a while Walter Whie lied and no longer needed him for his drugempire wich he mad with the MasterCrytsal, but then he was relized he did needed Cortex for the Evolvo-Ray which was Walter White's only hope of battling cancer.

"Damn, that was important" he remembered.

"Come in Neo Cortice, I've done your part, now handed over the Evolvo-Ray before I sent Big Fat Buba after you."

"Yo." said big Bubba fat man.

"We had a..relapse in comminication," Cortex admitted. "I have new secret baes even YOU do not know where it is, also before I give you Evolvo-Ray I need the MasterCrystal you borrowed from me back. Also please Sop calling me my first name anymore, people at home are making matrex jokes!"-Cortex says as he broke the wall.

Walter White strocked his chin. "Wait. I'll just make a 'delivery' and be right at the usual spot for the transaction. ha ha..."


	6. The Death of Coco Bandicoot

Crush Bandicoot was resting on the beach chilling on the sand with his sister Coco, truth be told he never understand why she and Tawna were never in the sam room together HMMMMM but, it did not matter right now I think.

"Brother, I need to go to hom to rechargé my lap top."

He snored, which was her que to shack her head and go home. When she got home she put her laptop on change, she could not wait to listin to more AC-DQ Australia's greatest band ever again when her lap top woke up, suddenly a great giant pizza crashed through her window.

"Eeek!" said Coco, "Oh it's just a pizza pie, but why"

then the bullet shots came. Oh, no...

_Oooh, whatchu say..._

_Mmm! That you only meant welllll, hell of course you did._

Coco turns around in shock with blood and tear

_Oooh, whatchu say..._

_Mmm! That it's all for the beeeeeeast 'becuz it is._

seeing her rappist on the widow holding a smoking gun

_Oooh, whatchu say..._

_Mmmmmmm! That it's just what we neeeeeeed 'n You decidered this._

and finally, she understands her last stand and fell, down floor,

_Oooh, whatchu sayyy-ayai..._

_Mmmhmhm, what -did- she say?_

poor Coco. =(

Soon with the Bandicoot assassinated, Truco, who knew a think or too about facking death, confirmed vigor mortice in the body with Walter.

"Excellent, then Cortex will no longer involve his ex-creation and former associate, all wrenches are removed in my scheme."

Later that at the usuel spot Walter met Cortex. Each grinned and giggle spontanously but supprised it to be a tough man with poker face like that one-hit wounder.

"Then it is as we agree, one genuine Master Crystal will be traded for the original Evolvo-Ray."

"Indeed."

"Pleasure doing business. I will keep in touch if needed, but hopefolly we will not meet again."

They walked away smugly satisfied.

"I know we will not" muttered both under there breathe.

...Some time later, at the funreal of Coco.

"Female Bandicoot seen returning home to her hut; gunshot down inside shortly afterwards, house a wreckage burned aground, its a tragic site. Okay sun, I want you to tell me everything that happen."

Crash Bandicoot was hysterical in sobbing tears. Then he saw the police officer and thought, "Whoa!"

Police Officer smiled, " That's right, I am Hank Schrader and I facked my death. I am on the tail of a alive cimrinial named Walter White. Have you seen him?"


	7. Double X'ing

Walter White took the Evolvo-Ray home like a giddy puppy. He read the instuctions and used it on his body. According to his theoreticalculations he will trans-mutate his boddy by evolving into a superhuman and eliminating the caucer cells in his boddy.

"Ah!" he sweated "What a workout, I fell like I'm comming in my muscle tissues. No stop now - I'm the one step from becoming immortality!"

(No Walter you are on a way to immorality.)

Cortex took the Masterd Crystal to the base.

"Walter handed over the crystal, the honorable fool. Have we found the location with out frequency?"

"Yessir, Dr Engines said. "Los Pollos"

"Very well, at last it is finally time to initiate my evil plane."

...

"You have super-cancer"

"What!"

Saul (whose new itentity was a seedy doctor) said "Look I'm new at this doctorb stuff but I'm telling you this looks like the most a classic case of super-cancer you bald belligerent idiot!"

To forget his problem Walter turn on TV, "We interrupt this broadcast to give you emergeancy, several nucks were dropped on Los Pollos today, thanksfully no one was hurt except beleaved to be renowned cimrinal Walter White, may God spit on his soul."

Walter shoke his fist. "Neo Cortexxx!"

Meanwhile Cortex put the Master Crystal in his mind-control canon and was about to mindcontrol the whole

"Hahehahe, here goes nothing." he thought dorkly

The Master Crystal powered up the twisty beam that was sent to the entire whole world.

"Excellent, now to test it. Hey arceushole!" Cortex shouted at a nearby rebellious teenager. "Fetch me a late."

Instead the rebellious teen game him tea.

"What! That are not doing what I saw! There are doing much the opposite!"

Just then the mind-control canon imploded. Cortex was covered in cartoony soot;

Cortex shook his Cortex. "Walter Whititte!"

...

"At lest I'll never seen him againe." Cortex said in disgustingly. "We'll just go back to the drawing bored with the twentyfive Slave Crystals."

"THATS the thicket!" said Engine.

Walter White appeared in the moniter despite not knowing the new base.

"How did you-?"

"I know a guy who knows a guy, he's a "goodman", more important you tried to eliminati me but it faild because I was at doctor's orifice."

"I'm one step ahead of you, but I wouldnt think youd try to fool me with a pony, modified crystal!"

Walterd sighed. "No. Your lacke in good faith will end you. I merely mixed up one of my the imperfect copies with the actuel Master Crystal - YOU doublecorssed me when you deliberately gave me the wrong sci-fi raygun. I now have super-caucer and am without home. It's a good thing I wasn't killed, otherwise I'd be dead. But know this - in attmping to kill me you destroyed your own cloveted crystal"

Uka Uka was alarmed. "Coorteex! Get over here!"

He chased Cortex as Uka Uka was zapping him.

"Ow! Uka Uka dont you see this is a TRICK!"

"Oh" said Uka Uka.

"Trick or no trick, heres a treat for you - I own the world with the drug empire I msde. The meth I manufactred with the Master Crystal was phenominal. It ensalved many people everywhere. I own the world because you didnt pull your end of the bargane in time. You are insignifant flies to me, but I still need the real Evolvo-Ray you are hiding to be complete. The gang war is coming...Beat me and you may have ingredients for a prefect 1:1 clone of the Master Crystal, but I will end this before that happin you naughtty dogs."

"Bring it on, scrawny oldman, bring it on..."

what will happen next!


	8. Cotex's Counterattack

Some time later Cortex was in his barstool with old time fiend Doctor Bio wiping a glass for his friend Dr. Crotex with Slipknot's new abortion setting the mood perfectly as he sighed in his seat.

"I've got to find a way to take the under world back from that White guy." said Dortex.

Brio was goinna say something gay like "I'm going to full your stomach with my love!" but Pinstipe Potoree the fat sweaty losser he was become sat down next to them, Cortex hated him for maiterbaited over the crystals the other day while he was on dugs, "you will surely be taking the fag end of this this time!" he thought so Brio instead nodded in secret as he whipped up a concotion for him witch gave him a heart attack, but instead it made it a bouncing alcapulca giant shrek frog except more annoying.

"cheesus WHUT UP" said Cortex as he had enough of life.

"Cortex I didnt mean to hut your feelings"

Cortex almost began to drown his sorries but then he got an idea, an awful idea, the cortex got a wonderfaul, AWFUL idea!

"How could this happen to me? What a Simple Plan!"

*Song Cue!-

Sometime later in one of the levels in the islands to cortex Crash Bandicoot found the tribesmen taking baby bandicoots, it was curious so he follow them but as he did he saw a sigh say "marsupiel holocost" (translater's note: marsupiel is the austalian word for BANDICOOT).

"Whoa!"

he saw the factories and refineries on the other side of the mountain trail as he follow and broke boxes like he always does including one box with Solid Snake in a crate making a cameo in this story, but that's not important as Crash Bandicoot RACED to see what would be come of the babies as his eyes fell in horror, they were turned to energy tanks and other power-ups for the bad guys to fuel their conquest, you see Cortex was commiting genocide to the whole bandicoot race as they whent in drones to the incinerater as Cortex smiled in insanity on the tvs decaring his plan to destory the world, Crash's hopes crashed at once "This world is ugly" by My Chemical Romance was playing on the speakers as the horror happened by he felt more like Astrozombie

"OH GOD NO"

Crash, you... Aku Aku said in debelieve.

Thjs was Crash Bandicoots first word, so Cortex was gone too far. This was no longer the saturday-morning, carton-villain, atics he was known for, this was real.

Crash was shaking my head, "Cortex you magnificont raccist bastared" swored Crash as he spun out of there and as fast as he could to finding Cortex's head querters.


	9. Freedom is a Drag(on)

-INTERMISSION-

Meanwhile in another place safe away Tawna took down a wrong coroner becahse hse was confronted by two goofy drgu deallers, a big guy and the skinny guy. She thought it was candy. She started hallucinating a very diffrent game - one of a young purple dragoon and annying sidkick on a wideeyed platforming adventure against an evil empire that threatens to conker there people.

I speak of course of Freedom Planet (available on Steam NOW!)

note this chapter will be a Freedom Planet fanfic since there is no section here yet for Freedom Planet do note this is noncanon to the story but it is a drug dream of Coco instead real life so it is in her head.

One day Lilac Carol and Milla were all sitting around the treehouse doing girly things like applying furry makeup, drinking furry tea, watching furry MLP, and playing the furry luigi bored game when suddenly a pizza craashed through the window except instead of a pizza like it wood be in realty it was a sheilduck.

"QUEAAAK, mah girrls, Lord Breivon has returned and he taking over the world, QUAACK!"

"Oh no! Listen up girls, we gotta power-up and fight Breivon and his antifury forces!"

"Aye-aye!"

So Crol took her motocycle, Milla ran beerfoot and Lilac did the meteo smash from Ristar to go to Lord Breivon. Along the way they ran into Spade ad Magistrate who was arguing over whose voice was sexier.

"Spade!" It was Lilac who had an obsession with Spade.

"My rival Stash! At lest we meet for the last time for the first time, also I have the upper card in this fight."

"Save your speaches Spade, it's time to get spayed!"

"Are yo calling me a gril?"

"And you better fight like one too!"

Then Spade ran away crying because he was teased, Magistrate was happy.

"Thank God you guy-girls came I was so sick of him after all he is so arrogante to think he sexier than me a man of mystery," he said as the girls got week at the knees at swonned with hearts due to sexy vice and menwhile Spade was becomming a shut-in hikikomauri since he sucked the big panda, " now go fight Breivon I will supply you with trops on my hono."

"Yo" said Gong, Neryl and Jao, the loveable goldeen pop gang of teh game, also I forgot to mention Prince Deli of this game's cast roll also sucks at life so he went to being a hikikomauri with together Spade.

(authors note: hikikomauri is Japenise for shut-in, I know they're are Chineses but I'm sorry I don't know the words ^_^;)

"Lets kick out some tail!"

"And divulge on some deliscious chow main!" said Jao

"Mmm, good for my mighty warrior stomach" said Gong.

"Oh my brother!" said Neryl

They all crashed into a room. It has belong to furry Cid from Final Furry Fantasy?

"Wait which one?" said someone.

"Andy's room Cid's room, what's the difference?" said furry toystory.

So they left frry!Cid sleeping on the bed and slammed the door with softly as to not to wake him.

There was a madman, er, madREPTILE outside!

"N'yeahahahahahahahah! It's a me Serpentine!" said Serpentime.

"Not if I can help it! We will rip your arms off and you will just be serpent"

So they all faught, and Serpentine arms was removes and fed it to tim so the mind-control of Breivon was gone and he now Sir Pent of Gallenford.

"Quite" he said with monical and drinking tea and strumpets in a mild-mannured way.

Just then a lawyerfiendly cameo happened, it was Sonic the Hedgedog!

"Hello I am Sonic the Hedgedog, be an original and in no way affiliated with Segasonic the Hedgehog."

"Shut the furball up Sonic,you SUCK!"

They blew up Sonic and that's the last we hear of him, Sonic went boom like his carear (he will no longer appear in this fic).

"Now THATS what I call a Sonic Boomb!"

"Tally ho, I say Let's go fight Lord Ardvark Coneria Breivon III!" says Sir Pentime our ally

"I'd like to see you try." It was Breivon with a laser sword! He choped up Lilac one every life but on her very last she persevered and won. Lilat did the meteo into Breivon, and...

This fanfic-within-a-fanfic that was a change of pact with the drama at least drew to a close when Tawna comes to awakeness with Crash and Aku Aku surround her, she bumped into them and was yelling things about her new favourite game Freedom Planet but she imaginned all of it since ehs was drunk with dugs.

"Tawna!" Aku aku and Crysh Bandicoot took her back to her senses. "Thank Whumpa you are okay! ... Uh oh."

It was... Coco.


	10. Who Are We?

Coco crossed her arms in a defiant female stance, y'know the one the one that tries to tell you that you serously messed your life up and have no hoping to retun, but Crash kept his bowls down firmly in the pants to remind her that he is a real man and pressed one.

"Coco you were Tawna, and how did you servive we never found out." Aku Aku says for Crash since he apparently cannot speak ever.

"No! Crash, I did kung-fu on the bullets that tried to assisinate and escapped with my live. Un truth, I once shore a 1up with Tawna on her bonus level and he died on half a life, that is why we now share same body so now I have multiple personelity like Launch from Dragon Ball z, that is why I am never in the same room at the same time with Tawna," Coco said

"OK that explains it but does not explains if how you are my sister and I the boyfriend or what!"

"but you see my body changes when I change so when I am Tawna I no longer you sister and when I Coco I no longer you girl friend so you see as long as it not happen during coitus is not insext unlive SOME people."

"I heard that!" said Lisa Sampson who was pissing by with a babby's stroller to make a cameo to remind us that she lives on (she took nother name to avoid controversies with the Bart Simpson controversy).

SNEEZE!

Then Coco becomming Tawna again who is a better character since she have boobs like a older teemage girl.

"So you see..."

As the bandicoots were about to kiss and have an intence makeout session THIS close neer the fireplace of love suddenly a pizza dropped down from the hard roof into the fireplace opening to remind them the defing gravity of the situaytine

Right! We must stop the badguys, we know not who they are but I bet is it CORTEX! Like alway" said the gang.

...

"Well be right back to Cortex 'n the Cronies after these messidges." said Chuke E. Pupetshow

Cortexwas invade the local TV sation because he knew the true way to rule the world with mineless idiots was through the television, also it was his secret base. "It is some how interestingly fascinating to watch him make mayhem," the audience and critics agree with four thumbs up.

"Hohohohohohohohooh, no one will find my secret bae this time, it will have to take the combined effort of the DEA the bandicots and Hizen Burg Himself to track ME down."

Suddenly Crash Badnicoot Tawna the she-bandicoot, Aku Aku 'crashed' the party while Schroeder from the DNA bust through and so did Walter White and his nazzi-thugs.

"Drmn..! Crash Bandicoot." said Cortex "um, I want nice big backs of ice for my head" he wished but not one came "ugh the turbo-god of rocketscience hates me"

"What are you DOING here?"

"What ARE you doing here?"

"WHAT are YOU dong HERE?"

The DNA Agent and the White gang pont their guns at each other, also Crash seems to hate them as well so they at a standstill.

"Hmmm, I can turn this into a boon" said Cortex as he made his escape that would make sly cooper jellous.

"There can be only one~!" announched somone, this was enough to cause a big final fight of Cortox studioes.

Cortex slammed the iron door behind him, got the megaphone and spoke to his forces.

"Attention crew! In the other room is Crash Bandicoots the DEA and the Walter gangs all together and fighting to bring us to justice, I new this day would come but they are distracted and disorganised in the three-way blodshed, we can take them out with one fell swop and then finally take Walter White's assettes to rule the world! I'd like to thank my dear mom and Kenny the land lord for makeing this possible, okay enough sweettalk now we must flee and then strikes back!" it was a nobel speach.

Unfortunatly, the presidents head chair spun around and it was Jessie Pinkman in the chair!

Note: if you are sensitive to cussing then please skip the next sentece.

"Gotcha...Bitch!"

Note: okay, you may look back now, I will replace his offending word with an eufeminism next time. ok


	11. The Ultimate Onslaught

Jessie Pinkman cackled maniacally for he cot up the biggest nemesis of all time.

"You see you friends are all tied up...Bish!"

"Stop calling me that, also what happen!"

"#I got you number...Bish! I did like the Mistah White thing and did a thing where I was ahead of all yall losers...Bish! You fiends can't here you now...Bish!"

"If I dont have friend here then I will make one, you FOOL!" Cortex cackled as he whipped the Evolvo-Ray from his pants and set it to mutate and mutated Jessie Pinkman. "How do you like that now...Bi5ch!."

(sorry i shouldn't talking like that, I'm feeling partically aggresso.)

While everyone inside was pummelating each other the lone DEA agent spoke up since he was an expert negotiator.

"Comrades, what are we fighting for? Listen! In the other room is the greatest evil of all."

"That is true I never blew anything up." Walter White said to everyone's stares "On PURPOSE, that is!" he sighed "OK, but not where we can have deliscious chicken and bisquits, geez." then everyone nodded in defeet and Schrader continued his speach.

"Right now we all want something from Cortex, I want to stop him even more then my brother-out-law Walter, the bandicoots had been trying to get him for ages and Walter I deduce you want his Evolvo-Ray according to the clues, and I want you to have it so you son of a botch can life long enough to stay in jail forever, so lets all agree to posteponie the fighting and beat the tar out of Dr. Neo Buttface Cortex (note: source of middel name was wikipedia)!"

It was quite inspirationel so they shock on it. Just then a boss came through the door! It was Jessie Pinkmad, but a mutant.

"Grr, I am the dredded Pinkman...Bishes!"

Crash drop-kicked him and used the Bazooka uprgrad to blow his genitols off.

"Oww! ...Well I can use a new image, well I'm no longer a man but maybe I can do something about my gender lager any way I am still Pink and thus it is known I will be known as...Pinkie!" said Pinkie who was once nown as Jessie.

"You called? said Pinkie Pie. Then someone hit her with a shovel because of to many cameos and she returned away.

In the time Pinkie summoned his droogs (who are also not mutate monsters, this happen off the screen due to time cuts) the fan one the skinny one and the average one Walter got the chemical blender he used and then blanded them up in the mixer. These four become the ghosts that now haunter Pac Man who, only wanted his pills ater all.

"How about that...Bitch!" said Walter White who trumphed over his ancient nemesis. "Oh what, I know its gros an sad but it's only chemisty, anyway someone had to do it and I like to see you do better, anyway let's get it on with Dr. Cortoex."

Inside the other room was Dr. Cortex waiting on his throne chair.

"At last, the final battle! You must fight me, or so I'd like to see you try to reach me."

Then the way was blocked by Cortex's butties he had time to phone in! It was all of them.

"We will fight you, Cortex!" said everyone who wasnt on Cortex side.

"We will fight FOR you, Cortexan!" said everyone was on Cortex side.

"Exceellente" said Cortex who taped his fingers like Mister Burnes. "Let the battle for the hole world begin...Bichees!"

what will happen now?


	12. The Final Dual

"We will fight you, Cortex! said everyone who wasnt on Cortex side."

"We will fight FOR you, Cortexan! said everyone was on Cortex side."

The person who made the first move was Walter White, who made an expert throw accros the room, atheletically over the heads of all the badder guys, in a perpendickular arch and into face of one Dr. Cortex. Yes, it was a pizza pie, smacked right in his face!

"What is your ANFINITY for pizzas!" said Cortex.

Cortex forces all charged forward to defend toe doctor, except for Potteroo which we are sure is till dead. Of course Uka Uka fought Aka Aka as the tryed and true yet kinda boring everlaster good verse evil, but there were intresting matchups the crossovers was made for suck as the stong guys verse the bainy guys etc. DEA agency and others like Tiny or Kaolo Bear were biting each others legs. Tawna was knocking out toadies with her knockers, and when she sneezed and transform then Coco argue the math of meth with the doctors because all she is good for is science. Crash was outsmartting the Komodo Borthers YET again, and Walter...

WAIT! Where was Walter!

Walter snuck past the violence and made it all the way to Dr. Cortex discretely! It was the final confrontion.

"It's is not too late Cortex, join me and we will be unstoppable!" demanded Walter White.

"No way Walter White, I've watched you like a TV show, your traitorous ways are predicable!"

"Then it seem Oh Doctor that you must die." said Walter

"Bring it on!" said Neo Cortex.

Cortex began by zapping Walter Rhite with his raygun the Evolvo-Ray, but Walter White dogged so it wasnt very effective. Walter White countered with a right decking! Cortex heeved over and then rolled and knocked Walter White over with a head butt! Walter kicked back in midair and kciked on Cortex's side. Stay stuned for a momment Walter slapped the raygun out out Cortex's hand ad out the window.

"It's over now" said Walter White. But Cortex smiled with an unhinged look under his bushy eyebows and tired eyes and cracked smile that he stealthily reviled his ace in the hole a bomb protruding from his sleeve! "Ha! Ha! Ha!" said he

Just then John de Lancie appeared. "This is for my dotter who you kill!" he heroically lunged forward, tackling Cortex out the window and feel hundreds of storries into the ground, his sacrivice will be remember forever & it was so in tense it happened in slo motion for real.

The mad scientist groaned as he fell and made his last words known: Suck. My. Dick, CRASH BANDICOOT! =(

"Groovy" said neo from the matrix like the toasty guy from mortal combat except there is now only one.

"It is done." said everyone, enemies forelorn as the lucid wind of air touched them with fresh breath. With the lord fallen, everyone called it a game over like in Fire Emblem when you die and went back to there ordinery life. Except they remeber they all hate each other anyway, so they kept fighting because they loved it.

Walter what used the ninja skills he learned from shaolist monks to steel the hover board of Cortex and escape! This cot the atention of everone else.

"Hey! Our Enemy is escapes"

"Oh no! Our boss left us for die."

Walter rode the hover board into the sunset for fight anonther day, but a Delorean mistook it for Marty McFly and kidnapped him through time. Now both Robotnik and Walter white were gone and missing so no one had reasons to fight anymore.

Shorty thereafter Cortex came out of the garbage can that happened to be there under the long drop of the window. He dusted himself off cleanly and gently.

"Whew! Good thing there was an assortment of next-gen consoles of choice in the dumpster that broke my fall, other wise I might died."

Cortex thought the battle was over but the war may yet return. In face he could nuck the whole building and get it over with, fiend and foe a like! However before that can happin a wandering protophile took the dazed Cortex into his White Van thinking he was a little yellow boy. Looks can be deceiving but looks like Cortex will going to have some wacky hijink mis adventures of his owne!

(Please tell me if you would like a spinoff of this in my review, otherwise we can assum the white van crashed into the delorean and the good guys laughed)

Thankfully there was no casualties except when Ripper "Roo" the crazed chortler activated his Final Smash and decapitates Pinstrip who was stripped of his head, and when he did so his head thought "golly I gained a lot of weight, I sure am a lardcakes" as he rolled aweigh never to be seen again for once and for all.

In the end Cortex's remaining friends were inprisoned and wont be getting out til at LEAST the PlayStation 5, anyway that was the finalé, next there will be an Bonus Epilogue to rap up the bandicoots the IDEA, Walter White and the rest and show what lifes is like posthumorously. To recap::

Walter and Cortex escaped,

the other bad guys are jailed,

Crash won, it's said he's also father...


	13. Epiclog

BONUS CHAPTER: The Good Guys and the Bad!

There are 3 side-stories to conclude the ending, pick a scenario kupo

...

[Tawna is Pregnate]

At last, joyous miraculous day! Tawna is pregnant with Crash's child!

"Pushipushipushi...!" urged Akuakua the mid-wife in drag

Tanwa was on the table naked with many doctors and her leg spreed a part, she was abott to delver the babby.

"It's crooning! I can see it! It's a...ah...AH...!"

Just then, Tawna the transicoot took the biggest sneeze in the world. Leggend says it that when you do than you will never sneaze again for the rest of your life. Tawna returned back to Coco form, but partamentally. For all intensive purposes Tawna could never be reawaken and was thus dead. Also when this happen the pregnacy was reverced because as she said she is not really Tawna. Tothis day Crash hopes that one day his sister will replace by his lover, so that the baby can finally finish being borne.

But the miracle never come (or is it?)

"Sequel" said the unborn baby hinthint

...

[Top Dog Or Bonus Boss?]

Hank Schrader of the D.E.A. organization gave him a pupple heart for his bavery in handling the bad guys, he was more recognized for his efforts as opposed to the banicoots who went back to the islands of nature whereas he was human, so he was celebrated by the likes of other characers who hadn't appeared in this tory like rad Walter Jr. and his wife. But something wasn't adding up, it was the pizza, why was that the calling card of Walter White's activity? It didn't adds up.

Suddenly the pizza devoured him. He vanished with out a trace! And in this mysterry dimension warp zone we meet...

"Pac-Man?"

"No my name is Puck-Man" said the pizza pie. "I am the pizza that inspired Pac-Mans creation but I was never recognized for my genius when Toru Iwatani and his beer buddies stole my idea, I was alone for many years until chemistry revived me, so you see I have a lot of connections with Walter as I manipulated him into controlling the world for me, but you got a thorn in my way! However even if I hate you you have potential, Joyn me and together we can rule the world!"

Hank said "oh by god..."

and so we leave Hanks tale here, what did he decide? Will the pizza-man dominate globally, has he already? Did Hank join him, go back to the DEA, kill him or become a king by his own hand? That story will be told...anothertime!

...

[I Need You]

Meanwhile, Walter must have recover from the fight because he was alone again with his forces in jail like Cortexes, and he was an mad scientist without subordinates like Cortex. It was a most alone time for him and he felt like a falure, like there was something he has forgotted.

"Damn, I forgot the Evolva-Ray again! This super-cancer will be the end of me."

Just then there was a familar voice behind Walter.

"Hello again, Walter. I'll do it only if you call me...Bitch."

The End...?

(I think diesir forgot about us, said Spyro and Tomba.)

[Shut up you guy are hallucinatory drugs, I said THE END!]

P.S. In all honosty, I make this fanfic to remember Naughty Dog and the original Crash Bandicoot. Naughty Dog, please come back. He needs you more than ever ;_;


End file.
